• me: what do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
  • mum: what
  • me:
  • mum:
  • me: Virgin Mobile
  • mum: go to your room

having sex with someone is always a threesome when you have god in the room

(Source: basedgosh)

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

One time I was masturbating in the shower and came so hard that I couldn’t keep in my scream but I knew my brother was in the bedroom next door and that he’d hear and know what I was doing so I quickly transitioned into singing the opening of the Lion King.

"We waste so many days waiting for weekend. So many nights wanting morning. Our lust for future comfort is the biggest thief of life."

(via toostoked)

(Source: joshuaglenn)